Worthy
by Zephyr02
Summary: He could still feel the burn of the lie as it fell off his tongue... (Daniel POV, Additional scene for Blindness, may include minor spoilers)


***Disclaimer: ~legal speak~ I don't own Perception. ~more legal speak~ No profits = no sue. ~/legal speak~***

***AN1: A short Daniel introspection following _the _conversation Daniel and Donnie had during Blindness. Spoilers for Blindness, at this point Toxic hasn't happened.***

"_Not that it's any of your business but Kate and I are just colleagues, we're friends, that's it."_

"_So you're not into her?"_

"_No!"_

The words flowed in a continuous loop; repeating themselves over and over in his mind as Daniel stared at his own reflection in the tinted glass of Channel 9 studios. He was waiting for Kate to return with the car so that they could get out of there and back to the familiar following his brief foray into broadcast journalism. The alien surroundings weren't the only thing troubling him, though. He just couldn't seem to get the conversation he'd had with Donnie out of his head.

Daniel had felt ambushed when Donnie came up to him and questioned him about his intentions towards Kate so, naturally, he had gone on the defensive. He could still feel the burn of the lie as it fell off his tongue. The wave of guilt that accompanied the unpleasant sensation hitting him full force once again; as if by denying them he was betraying Kate. In some way, maybe he was.

It wasn't so much that Daniel wasn't interested in Kate as he couldn't allow himself to be interested in her. Contrary to what he'd told Donnie, Daniel had been intrigued by the vibrant, young woman ever since she raised her hand in session one day and questioned him on the relationship between biology and cognition while the rest of the class sat idly by with frustratingly blank expressions on their faces. Kate tested him, baited him intellectually and personally, like very few people have before. Most days, she seemed to understand what made him tick better than even his psychiatrist, Dr. Rosenthal, did. Hell, she could make him smile even as she teased him playfully about his condition. All of that put together with the fact that she was gorgeous made her incredible, and extremely dangerous…

Any man would be a fool for not wanting her, and Daniel was certainly no fool. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd dreamt of touching her, kissing her, running his hands through her chestnut hair, only to wake up and find himself alone and woefully unsatisfied. That small, deeply hidden, unbridled part of his subconscious longed for that type of intimacy with her, but it was always put into place by his dominant logical side.

Daniel knew he could never subject Kate to the demons he dealt with every day, nor could he risk losing her to them. He had tried relationships in the past and all had failed miserably; and typically with some variant of the "it's not you, it's me" speech. Most had not been able to deal with his diagnosis. To give them some credit they had tried, but, as he'd said before, knowing and seeing are two different things.

Before Caroline had come along, he had all but given up on the pipe dream of ever being able to have the type of intimate relationship he longed for. After that had ended spectacularly as well, it had only reinforced his position that he would never be boyfriend material for anyone, and especially for Kate.

With Kate, Daniel felt himself always walking that tenuous tightrope between wanting her in his life, and pushing her away for her own good. Kate deserved so much more than he had to offer. She deserved the world and as badly as he wanted to be the man to give it to her, he just couldn't. Still, his insistent heart would override his brain, and he'd never been able to fully cut the tether that bound them. If friendship were the best he could get, he'd take it.

But, maybe Donnie was right. If she truly felt for Daniel the way Donnie had said, perhaps Daniel was being a selfish asshole by trying to hold onto someone he had no business holding on to. Maybe it was time to take Donnie's advice and stop "leading her on," as he put it. It gave her a fighting chance at a normal relationship with someone who could be there for her in all the ways he couldn't.

The thought of cutting Kate out of his life ripped at his insides as he watched the rain begin to fall against the glass pane of the studio. Fitting for his mood.

A small but firm hand gripped Daniel's shoulder, startling him out of his reverie and he turned to find himself staring at the object of his musings. Her bright smile faded as she took in his defeated expression.

"Daniel, you okay?"

The concern and deep caring etched on Kate's delicate features only served to remind him that, aside from Lewicki, she was all he truly had in this world. She helped to keep him sane. Without her, where would he be? He would eventually have to let her go, but for now he was weak. He would be that selfish bastard for a little while longer if it meant she would smile at him like that again.

"I'm fine." Daniel replied, his eyes gazing upon her fondly as her megawatt smile returned.

"Good, I've got the car so whenever you're ready. I was thinking, how about grabbing some Chinese on the way back to your place?" She asked, completely oblivious to his previous inner turmoil.

"Sure, sounds great." He agreed as they got into her car and drove off.

***AN2: So, this came out a little more like a Daniel self-pity piece than I had anticipated. Not entirely confident in it, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same. Please read and review.***


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